Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
