he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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