I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
