3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize