and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize