You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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