No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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