I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
