Sponge bath it is.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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