New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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