Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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