exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
