There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
