I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
