Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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