My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
