You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
