was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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