i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
