so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hippo gnu deer
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
