The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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