I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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