I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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