hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
