if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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