Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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