my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
