stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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