well I can't set my house on fire every night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
