lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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