I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
