She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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