how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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