Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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