I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
