the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
