I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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