Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
