It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize