You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
