I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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