Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
