Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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