My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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