I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
