"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
