Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
