lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
