I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
