I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
