I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
