am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
