Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
