we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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