i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
