Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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