I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
