To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
