Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
