she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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