your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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