i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
