he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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